Give, what is Give?

My human came back from shopping today with what she thinks is a better box for The Judgement Box. She’s asked me to test it for her and let he know what I think.

So far I like it, but since she insisted the first prototype had no Give to it, I’ve roped Bat Cat into helping me test the Give of this one.

give (Large)

Why is Mommy laughing?

laughing (Large)

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Luxury delayed

My human tells me that work on The Judgement Box has been delayed due to necessary design changes. She says that the initial materials she chose for the project are too rigid, and that The Judgement Box is going to need a little give.

I have no idea what she means. A box is a box.

20151102_092606

Right?

20151102_092543

the judgement box

My human was also very busy today, she was working on The Judgement Box. She spent the morning “researching materials” in the shops, but she smelled suspiciously of Dog when she came home. Then she spent the afternoon outside hammering and swearing.

I don’t know why she worked so long, because all she came up with in the end was this:

box (Large)

Wait, that’s not a good picture. I got Mommy to take one with Bat Cat next to it for perspective. I am not going to justify that box by getting anywhere near it.

Bats Box (Large)

Mommy says she was just practicing and this is a prototype, so I am calling it the judgement box. Let’s hope the lack of  Capital Letters shames her into building The Judgement Box quickly.

Social Media King!

I have been working furiously today, I spent at least 20 minutes at the computer researching all of The Internet. I have discovered that I am not only supposed to blog my thoughts and feelings, but I am also required to inform The Internet, via twitter, facebook , instagram etc, whenever I do anything remotely interesting: eating, sleeping and even pooping. Since there are 24 hours of interesting in my day, I have decided to only post anything out of the ordinary.

For instance:

I ended up in the second best seat in the house today.

Fatti (Large)

Because Bats took the Judgement Box first!

Bats (Large)

I’m not happy about it, but I left him there for the sake of being able to post about being angry about it. See, I am a very quick study. Social media King!

Where is The Judgement Box?

So my first post has been up for almost 10 minutes and there are no views and no comments. I am convinced this is because of my Header Image. A quick google has taught me that a good Header will draw more people to your site, and the biggest part of that Header is The Header Image.

While my Paint skills have proven to be artistic genius, there is not much I can do about the main focus of my Header Image. The Judgement Box. It is the box itself that is the problem. It seems there is some intelligence in my human after all. She did not forget to put the The on the box, the The was never meant to be there. This box is not The Judgement Box, this box is just the Judgement Box.

I remember when it was created. I was letting Daddy scratch me while he was playing Battlefield, even though I had to sit on his Computer Mouse for him to be comfortable, when I was snatched away by Mommy. She had picked up my Box from the floor and placed it on her desk, out of her way. At first I thought this was madness! What was she doing? That was my Box that I had chosen myself out of all the other boxes in the world, my Box that I sleep in. Then I realised the possibilities. I slowly walked towards my Box and stepped inside, only it wasn’t really my Box any more, it was more than that. I turned around a few times – just to check that it was my Box – and lay down.

At that point I fell asleep, but to my defense, it had been quite a traumatic few moments. The point is that I now had a better my Box.

  • I could stay close enough to my human to keep a proper eye on her.
  • I could watch her “working” and learn all about The Internet.
  • I could sleep higher than dummy Bat Cat.

But I didn’t know what to call the new Box until Mommy came across an inspiring post on facebook. It was a picture of a cat in their Box on their human’s desk, and their Box was labelled “The Judgement Box”. It was like Mommy read my mind when she grabbed a marker and labelled my Box the same. Only it wasn’t the same, but we’ve explored that previously.

So where is The Judgement Box?

I have commanded my humans to make it. They have been given instructions and I expect them to be followed very closely, but for now I will not reveal to The Internet what it will look like. Rest assured it will be the best Box The Internet has ever seen.

Until The Judgement Box is ready to be revealed I have decided to change my Header Image to reflect the true state of the Judgement Box. I used my Paint skills to remove the The. Once again, true genius!

“The” Judgement Box image:

thejudgementbox

the Judgement Box image:

notthejudgementbox

Hello The Internet

Hi, my name is Alfred, but my human calls me Fatti Pi. I’m not entirely sure what the origin of Fatti Pi is, but an online search has led me to believe I am Italian; this makes sense because a little while ago my name was Salvador. To keep things simple for my human, I refer to myself as Fatti Pi – her intellect, even for a human, is quite low. She calls herself Mommy, and sometimes talks to me as if I am the idiot.
“Kitty want a scratchy?”
“Fatti Pi want some nommies?”
“Kitties want a tweeties?”

To stop her from making any more of a fool of herself than she needs to, I rush towards her as quickly as possible and succumb to whatever scratch, food or treat she is dispensing. I have discovered that if I purr and act like a one day old kitten, I will receive more of the scratch, food or treat. Humans are so foolish.

After many hours of sitting in The Judgement Box, and watching my human “work”, I have figured out how to use The Internet and I believe it needs to know what I am thinking. As you can see, I am a quick study and have already created this blog, a facebook page and a twitter account.

I have also honed my photoshopping skills. My human labelled The Judgement Box incorrectly, and since I can’t use a red marker to fix The Judgement Box itself, I have no opposable thumbs, I had to do it digitally. Of course, my human is too cheap to actually buy Photoshop, so I have had to make do with Paint. But I think it looks seamless.

Here’s the original:

judgementbox

Here’s the edit:

thejudgementbox

See what I did there? Pure genius!

I suppose I should explain my living situation and the creatures with whom I have to endure it. I think my human called it “family”, so I will help her out and do it too.

  • I am obviously the head of the family.
  • Second in command is my brother. The humans call him Bat Cat, but his name is actually Bruce – formerly Pablo. Maybe we’re Spanish…
  • Third is Mommy. I have chosen her as top human because she provides us with the most food. In a post-apocalyptic world, she would be the one I would trust to keep bringing me “noms”.
  • Last is the male human, Daddy. He is only last because he is human and there are only two of them. Really he is our favourite. He gives the best “tummy rubses”, and he uses The Brush on us. But he often forgets to put food in our dishes and we are forced to purr furiously, while chewing on his fingers, to remind him.

So that’s my introduction, and now you can look forward to many more posts from me.